Outside the family council house in Camel Road Silvertown E16. Looking bizarrely like Jim 'Simple Minds' Kerr

A horrible little cunt, prone to red-faced tantrums, constant flirting with underaged girls at primary school but he loved his mummy and she loved him. Nobody else did. Liked playing board games and trying to trap pigeons under coardboard boxes with a long piece of string attached to a twig prop. Success rate: zero

Working as a passenger guard for Network South East and taking late shifts off to watch Talulah Gosh and The Siddeleys. Not fantastic husband material. Thought it was a good career move to put Sarah groups on in a Deptford public house on the Broadway

Left London for three years and went to live in the FAT TULIPS house. They asked the council to rehouse him almost immediately as he was making the house smell of beer and fags and was making everyone miserable and questioning their life choices

Posing in front of his wifes cookery books because he thinks it makes him look intelligent. Shall I tell him or will you? His fringe by this point had fucked off and left him with 'teddy bear hair'.

This is the face he pulls directly into the narcissistically placed webcam whilst recording the Outsiders Music Show when he drops something by Discharge, Atari Teenage Riot or Donny & Marie Osmond

Nothing much has changed since day one, I call that thorough research and a complete lack of ambition.

When you have too much time on your hands it's best to make mischief with them. Just keep them where we can see them

We do like a quiz to entertain our listeners. There is never a prize, it's just for fun